Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Sometimes you feel like you need to give reasons but you're afraid in the end it might sound like you're just giving excuses. It is so hard to please everybody and still be okay with it.
Weekend migraine was a blast. It came, stayed for awhile and left. Lasted till Monday.  None of the usual meds worked. Old age, approaching menopause you'd say? Urgh! Don't remind me. 
I miss you the most when I'm feeling down and sick. Missing you like crazy, my Mie.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Mood menonton drama korea kembali. Lepas satu cerita ke satu cerita. Drama anak muda sekadar mencuci mata dan stress reliever. Kisah cinta pertengahan usia, mengggamit kenangan, mengusik jiwa.
On The Way To The Airport, drama terbaru berkisarkan kisah cinta di kalangan mereka yang berusia. Hmm..baru masuk episod kedua tapi hati dah mula mengenyam. Hehehehe. Terlintas di pikiran "It'd be nice to have someone same age different gender to talk to without judgement or guilt." Dari terlintas lantas tertekan papan kekunci telefon berkongsi dengan kakak-kakak, sepi.
Yes, without judgement and guilt. Rakan rapat lelaki seusia semua sudah berumahtangga dan berkeluarga. Memang lah depa tak kisah berborak, berbalas-balas message, bercerita tentang kehidupan, keluarga, anak-anak. Harus kalau berada di tempat yang sama seperti isteri depa, mesti timbul curiga dan berprasangka buruk. Harus dituduh mengenyam dengan pasangan mereka. Lalu ku undur diri..hehehe.
Bila dapat peluang bersembang dan berbalas email dgn kisah lama pasal kisah lama, tersenyum kambing sorang-sorang,  rasa guilty pulak. Bila dah rasa guilty dan rasa makin menambah dosa yang dicari..lalu ku undur diri lagi.
Bang Nuar dok sibuk promo album terbaru dia. Penyudahnya, cheq nak sembang dengan sapa?

Thursday, August 11, 2016

bersawang dah laman coretan ni. lama ditinggalkan dengan adanya cabang media lain untuk berkongsi pendapat dan perasaan. bermula dengan cerita cinta Jimmy, meluahkan rindu dan kesal  hingga ke cerita kegilaan terhadap drama korea, artis korea dan duren! hahahaha. masa berlalu dengan pantas sekali. sungguhpun gitu, segala kenangan masih tersemat di dalam hati dan sanubari. usia makin meningkat, anak-anak makin membesar, makin dekatlah lagi perjalanan menghampiriNya.

Monday, April 25, 2016

it is one of those days bila dengaq lagu, ayaq mata berteraboq.
tengok ceghita, beremosional lebih-lebihan
rindu yang tak dapat nak ditolong
sakit hati yang tak dapat nak dikongsi
dok keluh kesah sorang-sorang
nak bercakap dengan sapa?
kawan-kawan hat yang ada semua hebat-hebat
bila berceghita, rasa macam kechik je kita ni
nak bersembang dengan adik beradik
depa pun dah tak lalu nak dengaq kot
cheq  mengadu jugak dengan Dia
cheq tau Dia dengaq
tapi kadang-kadang cheq nak berinteraksi jugak
dengan depa yang ada depan mata
tapi kalau ada depan mata pun
tak jamin cheq boleh bukak mulut nak berceghita jugak.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

KOPRATASA..masih kah kau ingat (1987)

lagu ini mengingatkan pada Pak
being the youngest, i was always with Pak and Mak
i was their travel companion, their driver, their everything..hehehhe
Pak used to travel a lot while working with Jabatan Penerangan
masa i was younger, i would skipped school to follow them around
naik flight, dapat gula-gula semangkuk, color book; color pencils yang boleh naik turun naik turun untuk tukar color dalam MAS
i learned to eat steak and chicken chop and from then memanjang nak western je :)
hence masa admitted di hospital selama sebulan pun, tidak ku pandang nasi segala
Pak loved to sing and dance
he would sing to Ramlah Ram, Rohana Jalil and his all time favorite song called Siti Zaleha
i never knew who Siti  Zaleha was to him
and i don't think that song even existed in the real world
it was just something he loved to sing
 missing the moment when everything was all so simple
whenever i walked with him, i would always have my hand wrapped around his arm
i would sniff his elbow...simply loved his smell
he would cut up my roti canai for me and pour the hot milo into the saucer, for it to cool down
there was this weekly visit to Pasar Besar Kuala Lumpur
Mak will do the buying and both of us will wait at a nearby Chinese coffee shop by the river
dark coffee for him and soya bean milk in a bottle and toasted kaya set for me
i have a lot of fond memories with Pak more than i have with Mak
i am glad i am given the opportunity to take care of Mak even though she does not recognizes me
a chance to create wonderful memories enough to cherish for a lifetime.
may we meet again Pak in Jannah, aameen.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

you had a blue sweater on with a white tshirt underneath, the first time we met.
you went round and round the rink. you knew i was looking and you were showing off..hehehe.
cintaku masih untukmu
rinduku masih padamu
biarpun kita terpisah jiwa
namamu tetap di kalbu.
kusemadikan cintaku
di dalam doa kudusku
kepada Tuhan aku meminta
damailah engkau di sana
mengadap Tuhan yang Maha Esa.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

the weather has been hot for the last couple of months
it is hotter today
and i am feeling like crap.
feels like things would be better
if i could get the chance
to bite someone's head off.
my kids are big bullies
i am being bullied by them on a daily basis
i listen to them
listen to their needs
and their wants
though i can't afford much
but i try my very best to attend to their every desire
to the point, feels like i am being taken advantage of.
aaah kids, what do they know.
Mohd Azmey!!!!!!!
i am going through a tough time and wishing you were here.

Monday, February 22, 2016

sweetness overload.
just finished watching Reply 1988
bertalu-talu memori zaman remaja datang menyinggah
1988...baru berusia 14 tahun.
baru belajar mengenal dunia
baru mengenal kawan dan lawan
usia yang dikawal nafsu dan akal yang pendek
dalam kegembiraan, ada kedukaan, ada kekalutan
by the end of the drama, terasa sangat diri dah berusia
rindu pula pada yang lalu
YOUTH.
(this scene reminds me of Mie giving me a back hug in the kitchen!!!)

Sunday, February 14, 2016

missing you so much tonight
mohd azmey ab wahab
memories on loop... :(

Thursday, February 11, 2016

i have fallen for this cover version over and over again
1st heard it on The Originals, googled it and wallaaaaa....
this song with Haley crying in the corner, put me into tears too.
then walked in Elijah and it was waterfall from then onwards
i remembered on the night Mie left, when i 1st heard Januari by Glenn on his mobile phone
i broke down uncontrollably
it has been eleven years but it still feels like yesterday
i can't get over him and i don't think i will get over him
my children are against me finding another life partner
to which i love to tease them and make up sad stories of me being all alone
when they have their own lives to live
truth: i can't imagine being in another person's arms other than his
i believe in the after life 
and i truly believe that we will be reunited then.