Friday, May 21, 2010

sometimes i get tired of thinking. i'm watching House now where House went into a collapsed building to help a lady. i tried watching this episode last wednesday at home, but it only lasted a couple of minutes. kenapa? i started imagining things. there's me in front of the tube, tiba-tiba terbayangkan ceiling to collapse macam dalam the episode and i switched it off. whenever i hear a thunder, i have this image of me getting struck by a lightning. while driving, i'll see cars from the opposite lane come crashing into my car. in any area with water above my waist, i see myself falling into the water and drowning. while standing on higher grounds, i see me jumping off and falling flat on my face. even taking a prescribed medicine freaks me out. the list can go on and on. i keep thinking and imagining things. freak? screwed up? sick? you tell me.
Aqil's day out at Genting Highland.

baby of the family yang kepenatan :D

Thursday, May 20, 2010

kenapalah menyeksa diri merindui orang yang tak tahu pun akan kewujudan diri
merajuk dan membawa diri bagai dikhianati
gilakah aku?
mengharap kasih dan belaian menemani malam sepi
bagai pungguk rindukan bulan


Thursday, May 13, 2010

farhan suka kalau dirinya dicapture on camera...dan juga
meng'capture' dirinya sendiri on the phone camera biler saje berkesempatan.
kenapa dia suka senyum macam tu ek? 
hari ni masuk hari ke-2 sakit kepala. Hmm breathing technique not helping, hilang jap pastu datang balik. musim sejuk kat office nie pun tak membantu. pagi tadi rasanye was the 1st time I walked out on the kids. couldn’t take the ragam pagi anymore. it made me sad to walk out tapi kepala nie lagi sakit dibuatnye.
sekarang nie makin kerap bermimpi (rasanye) dan tak boleh bukak mata. it’s always the same thing. terjaga berada di tempat yg sama sebelum terlelap, nampak keadaan sekeliling tapi tak boleh nak bukak mata and i had to struggle to baca segala ayat yang tahu. after much hempas pulas and frustration, Alhamdulillah dapat bukak mata tapi I’ll be confused. yesterday had it  at the office. pakSu left for a meeting kat luar, kepala nie rasa berat sangat so decided to take a short nap kat meja. lepas tu rasa macam tersentak, terjaga tapi tak boleh bukak mata and tak boleh bersuara. tahu myself ada kat office pasal nampak meja, computer dan segalanya macam biasa. dalam kalut tu dan setelah rasanye penat nak berusaha bukak mata, ada jugak terpikir, eh dah mati ke nie? am I viewing all of these as a dead person? tak tau biler yang tersedar tapi selepas tersedar, memang rasa confused yang teramat sangat. tau-tau dah ada kat sentul. check hari nie kat log book, memang I did not sign out..so definitely keluar sebelum tamat waktu kerja. eerie..pasal I have no memory of driving home.
as I’m typing this out, sebelah kanan masih berdenyut, sebelah kiri kepala rasa sejuk, macam orang pipe in cold water thru my blood vessels. i wish I can take the day off and stay at home but then kalau apa-apa berlaku, i’ll be  home alone. sometimes I think and worry too much, kan? Overdo kalu, anxiety creeps in pulak…too weird for a person?
Note: to akak-akak yang dressing vogue ( vo-gey) the vast tu, kurang-kurangkanlah spray minyak wangi tu!!!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

'connected by a red thread' 
- MIL has been in the hospital since Saturday. she is said to have pancreatic cancer stage 4. i was told by SIL, the Doc suruh the family bersedia for the worst. - 

Monday, May 10, 2010


sambutan hari Ibu di SJ, dikelolakan oleh anak-anak saudara tersayang. mak ngah couldn't join the party, missed her. this year there's an addition to the group, ibu baru.. Aisyah. sian ibu yang tersayang, sakit-sakit dada dia menahan gelak tengok gelagat anak-anak. need i say more? good food, fabulous company.
promised syu, the bunga will make it to the blog..
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. to those yang berjaya membesarkan anak-anak menjadi insan yang berguna, i salute you. even though i'm a mother to 4 adorable-yet-menguji-kesabaran kids, there are still much for me to learn.