i'm officially a granny as of 25 feb 2010. 

lil A..nanti kita hang out together2 ek?

with lotsa luv...tok su.

it wasn't that she was wary of men; on the contrary, even now she occasionally found her eyes drawn to younger men in the supermarket. since they were sometimes only a few years older than her own children, she was curious about what they would think if they noticed her staring at them. would they dismiss her out of hand? or would they smile back at her her, finding her interest charming? she wasn't sure. nor did she know if it was possible for them to look past the graying hair and wrinkles and see the woman she used to be.

 - Nicholas Sparks, Nights in Rodanthe -

it's been ages since i last update with words yang panjang berjela. i've had drafts. drafts that were created while i was scrubbing the bathroom floor, drinking coffee or even driving. i laughed and cried putting the words together in my head and the minute i have the laptop in front of me, my mind went blank.

am going thru some rough times with my eldest. my eldest yang dah muda remaja. has his own mind and say on what he wants to do, where and when. my saying has no effect on him. if i say much then he'll distance himself from me, making me feel like i'm the bad mom. sometimes rasa i'm not cut out to be a mother. buat tu salah, cakap nie salah. to be responsible for 4 lives is too much to handle. don't get me wrong, i  absolutely love them  tapi kadang-kadang tu rasa macam nak give up. i wonder what will happen if one of these days i decide not to show up at home.

wah! emonye minah nie pepagi nie. i'm listening to Michael Buble's Crazy Love album this morning. sedang cuba mengappreciate his songs tapi macam tak boleh terima je telinga nie (well maybe only  Haven't Met You Yet). dengar lagu lovey dovey nie makin meruntun jiwa je rasanye. better put on some Lifehouse on the playlist. aaahh..much better.

biler rasa upset nie, all i want to do is spend money. money that i don't have. ooops. mak pesan jangan kata takde duit, tapi tak mencukupi. true! true! true!. i've lost 2 cameras in the last one year rasanye and life without camera nie rasanye tak lengkap. i've my eyes on this Lumix. 

i've been surfing and doing some reading on it for the past week since the office has decided to block FB and YTube. hmm..makinlah teruja sangat-sangat untuk get one for myself. kita tunggu dan lihat. mungkinkah lepas the drama is over (akan berakhirkah drama ini?) i'll have a change of mind and settle for something less pricey?

ada yang bertanya still on ker 01012011? haha. sorry to disappoint tapi rasanye lebih baik remain as old friends. tak terpikir pun nak settle down and go thru marriage life lagi. nope, no can do. a relationship with no commitment will do for now. someone to layan my ramblings, on and off.

hope Mak will be ok. praying hard that she will. 

she must be confused and scared now. wish that i can hold her hands.

i've never really listened to Single Ladies but thanks to GLEE i'm now addicted to this mirrored clip.

credit: MrsChuckBartowski