Wednesday, April 25, 2007

He’s nowhere to be seen but his voice was very clear. So clear that it woke me up in the wee hours of the morning.
“Sayang, maafkan papa. Maafkan segala kesalahan papa. Papa tak pernah berniat untuk melukakan hati mama. Kita merancang hanya Tuhan yang menentukan.”
Be it the devil trying to play around with me, I do not care. I heard his voice - terubat kerinduan, itu yang penting.

Monday, April 23, 2007

It is the time of the month and I’m suddenly missing my brothers. As far as I can remember I have 2 of them.
I’ve never been close to them. Maybe it’s due to the age gap. While they were away for work or study, I was still playing with my dolls (ahaks!! dolls? NOT!!) Anyway, what I lack in attention from my brothers, I seek elsewhere. Sure Pak was around but it was different.
Someone told me something back then. “U have brothers but it seems that your brothers don’t really care about you. If they did, u’ll not be who u are today”. That really hit the spot.
Why you ask am I missing them at the moment? No answer for that. Why do I care at all about them? I don’t know.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

juz luv this song at the moment
can't get enough of if
i have it on my mp3 player here
so take a listen, lagi best kalau plug in an earphone
layaaannnn..

Dygta - Kesepian
kurindu disayangi
sepenuh hati
sedalam cintaku
setulus hatiku

kuingin memiliki
kekasih hati
tanpa air mata
tanpa kesalahan

bukan cinta
yang melukai diriku
dan meninggalkan hidupku
lagi
tolonglah aku
dari kehampaan ini
selamatkan cintaku
dari hancurnya hatiku
hempaskan kesendirian
yang tak pernah berakhir
bebaskan aku
dari keadaan ini
sempurnakan hidupku
dari rapuhnya jiwaku
adakah seseorang
yang melepaskanku
dari kesepian ini

adakah seseorang
yang melepaskanku
dari kesepian ini

Monday, April 9, 2007

Sometimes bila One dikelilingi oleh orang yang lebih berjaya and lebih superior dari One, One akan rasa diri One kerdil, hopeless and useless sesangat. The worst feeling in the world.
Juz had the feeling over the last 48 hours. Really bumped me out the whole weekend. I know the bunch of people have always been nice and kind to me tapi rasanya kalau selalu macam tu nice people pun boleh marah and fed up jugak. I can’t repay their kindness and their support selama ini, but my doa are always for them.
I don’t know when I’ll outgrow the feeling..juz hope that I will coz it really brings me down.

Friday, April 6, 2007

kepala pening sangat! pening yang dah masuk hari ke-2. apa sebab pening nie? disebabkan oleh makhluk Allah yang sorang tu ker? yang sepatutnya menolong dan memberi perlindungan kepada One? hanya disebabkan oleh satu perkara itu, dia menjadi manusia yang tak bertimbangrasa dan tak berperikemanusiaan. ya, One tahu kita masing-masing ada masalah yang perlu dihadapi dan diselesaikan. tapi kalau diikutkan kedudukan dan kenyataan hidup sekarang, siapa yang lebih memerlukan sifat understanding tu? One tak akan respond kepada kenyataan nya atas dasar menghormatinya sebagai seorang yang lebih berumur dari One. One juga tak nak benda ni menjadi satu perkara yang besar yang akhirnya akan memusnahkan apa yang dah boleh dikatakan fragile sekarang nie.
so, u can cry all u want..i can’t be bothered. i’ve got other things on my mind!!!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

I've hurt someone’s feeling, someone close to me. Someone I care about. I completely shut her out for the past 1 month. I did not do it on purpose, honestly. It was just that I did not feel like communicating or being close to anyone. I have no explanation for her, none that is good enough for her. I was a bad friend. I was not there when she needed me. Her friendship means a lot to me and I should have not deserted her.

I’m sorry dear. I’ll find a way to make it up to you. This I promise.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Wonder sama ada cikgu sekolah ni ada dibayar elaun kesihatan tak? Ahaks..

Boleh dikatakan hampir setiap pagi ada je bebudak sekolah nie yang bersidai kat tepi jalan, depan kedai, tepi longkang..nak kata lambat lagi waktu sekolah bermula, rasanya tak jugak pasal One pepagi dah terkejar2 masa nak antar Firdaus ke sekolah.

Tau tak naper One tanya pasal elaun? Hehehe..rasa2nye kesian tengok cikgu2 yang ada nie buat round pepagi mencari anak2 didik dia. Bila nampak je kelibat cikgu2 nie, abis bertempiaran lari macam tak cukup tanah, pakai redah je, nasib baik tak ada yang dilanggar keta ataupun motor, yelah org duk sibuk nak pergi keje, bebudak nie plak sibuk buat acara lumba lari tengah2 jalanraya. Sian cikgu2 ..borpoloh kotiak pepagi buto!!

Kadang2 mulut nie macam teringin je nak tegur cikgu tu kalau berselisih kat tepi jalan…”exercise ke cikgu?”..rasa2 ada tak dia nak seligi One? Hehehehe..

One ada mention kat Firdaus, “esok kalau Firdaus dah sekolah menengah, mama nak bagi rm10 tiap2 bulan kat cikgu supaya cikgu boleh sms mama kalau Firdaus tak pergi sekolah”. Ceh! Dia boleh jawab “bagilah mama, abang tak kisah, abang no hal lah”. Wah! Bukan main kerek dia. Hopefully apa yg dia cakap tu something positive, jangan dia amik sikap tak kisah apa nak jadi sudahlah.

Dulu masa zaman One, ada jugak ponteng sekolah ataupun masuk lambat tapi takdelah bersidai dekat2 ngan kawasan sekolah.

Macam manalah nanti gayanye anak2 One nie ek?

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

hana demam lagi..
hana selalu demam..
kenapa hana demam?
hana rindu papa ker?
papa dah lama tak datang tengok hana ye?
sian hana..

Monday, April 2, 2007

Somebody has been pestering me for the past few months to visit a certain organization. I’ve never liked going to any functions or meetings organized by any assistance-related parties. Since I’ve given my word that I’ll make the trip, I went heavy-heartedly.

Reality hits hard! I blame you for the all the hardship that I went through and will continue to go through.

Aku berpijak di bumi yang nyata.