Wednesday, February 28, 2007

i'm lookin things from a different angle now, something that should have happened a long time ago. i do still miss u and luv u. i'm getting past the stage..slowly..but getting thru..alhamdulillah. i think i should b ok.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

i have rights over my kids
i am responsible for their well being
i am to take care of them
should i make a mistake, it'l be me bearing the consequences
stop makin decision on my behalf
have some respect for me
their MOM!!!

Monday, February 12, 2007

i cried..yes i did. a lot of things have happened during the last few weeks..things that really made me sad, reluctant, betrayed..all in all..very negative feelings.
Tapi yang paling menyentuh perasaan One..Nur Farhana Azmal bt Mohd Azmey.
Hana demam over the weekend. Sabtu malam, Hana tiba-tiba menangis dalam tidor. Terkejut jugak dibuatnya. Iya-iya dia menangis, teresak-esak. Lepas memujuk Hana dan mendodoi dia, Hana berhenti menangis dan kembali tidor.
Pagi nya One tanya, kenapa Hana nangis?
Hana jawab "Hana mimpi papa". "Papa datang jumpa Hana ker?"
"Hmm, Hana mimpi papa, Hana rindu papa" and Hana sambung menangis.
I was in tears. Betapa rindunya Hana pada papa dia. One hanya pandang dia dan katakan.."ye Mama tahu Hana rindukan papa, kita semua rindu kan papa..xpelah kan papa dah datang tengok Hana."
Later, she was in front of the tv when she picked my phone and started to have a conversation with her papa. "Papa, Hana nie. Hana demam. Hana tengah tengok TV. Hana......" the conversation went on and on. She later passed the phone to Farhan to give a chance for Farhan to talk to the papa.
In the background, there I was, in tears again. She must missed u a lot, Pa. Wish there's a way for me to ease her pain and help her get over her feelings.

Friday, February 2, 2007

pejam celik..pejam celik.. dah 2 tahun berlalu
banyak perkara yang berlaku, yang gembira..yang sedih.
i still miss him a lot, can't say that i've not thought about him every single moment of the day
setiap benda yang One lakukan, mengingatkan One pada dia..
baik masa memandu, masa tengah tengok TV..hatta masa membersihkan diri sekali pun
too much things happened around him...
the kids still talk about him almost everyday..kadang-kadang it's so hard to hear what they have to say about their father..all the happy times that they have spent together without me knowing it how he took the kids to tasik titiwangsa to ride on the horse carriage masa i was at work or how he spent quality time with firdaus at the arcade..knowing what he did then is making me feel guilty for the time that i've scolded him for not spending more time with the kids.
it's gonna be a long time before i get over this stage of missing him and wanting him desperately..
God!! How i long to be in his arms again and hear the soft whisper of my name..